Grieving...an essential part of life...

Something I have been learning for quite a while deals with the loss of something. Since I've been working at the hospital, the need to grieve has been pressed more and more on my heart. Grieving is an essential part of life. I think that we often skip over this step in circumstances in life, and it comes back around to be true hurt and pain...leading to nothing but the awful bitterness. This is not an easy thing to learn. In fact, I have quickly learned the things I need to grieve, but have yet to learn how to do that well.

I think that grieving is something that goes hand-in-hand with change. You all know that I am a person that is having to learn change on a regular basis and don't particularly like it. Some changes I've watched and seen the need for myself or another to grieve are: leaving college station, having to grieve independence as I live with my family, grieving the change in role from a volunteer to an intern at the hospital, grieving not going to the camp I normally attend this summer, a grieving parent over the birth of an unhealthy child, the grieving child over the use of a wheelchair instead of legs, the grieving parent when the doctor says, "They are not going to go home today...maybe 1 more week", the grieving child over not going to camp at the last minute cause the doctor said 'no', the grief when expectations aren't met, the grief when the Lord says one way and you were sure you were on the right path...the list can and will go on.

The story I have for you is hard, but you will see what I mean. A child comes into the hospital. One day he is at a party and you notice that he has an arm wrapped from elbow to wrist and his hand is swollen. The next day he comes down and you realize that he has had his arm amputated. You wonder , how did this child experience the loss of his hand in one day? One day your hand is there, the next day it is gone. The next day he is headed home. You tell him how glad that you are that he is going home, and he shows you that his arm is missing. You tell him that you are glad that it is better. Later he goes on to say that it was shot by a gun. The questions run like crazy through your mind. Immediately you see how much this child is grieving...honestly how well he is grieving...

I think the first step in grieving is to recognize that there is a change. Then you must accept that change for what it is and what it has changed. Then you must find the blessing in that change. Without doing this, you never admit that change has occured, and you live in an alter reality that the world just keeps going like it was before. Take that child for instance...he must change now what he does and be more careful because he is missing that one arm. He will always ride a bike one handed, drive a car one handed, hold hands with one hand, rub someone elses back with one hand, hug with one arm wrapped around you...and all the while he will do it that much better because he recognizes he is changed, but rejoices in that change. He will do what he can twice as well. All because he grieved and did not harbor bitterness.

Grieving is not easy, but completely necessary. It is learned, not given. Once it is learned, it will cleanse your heart forever and you will be renewed. I am still learning...

Watching life go on...

Today one of my best guy friends (since 6th grade) called me to tell me that he proposed to his girlfriend on Kyle Field on the 50 yard line. It was so easy to be excited for him and to rejoice with him for all that the Lord has given him. It was just fun to catch up and to talk about all that has changed. We talked about a good friend of ours from high school that was in a diving accident about 2 weeks ago and is a quadriplegic. We discussed how we NEVER thought that would happen to people we know. Honestly, we just don't think about the bad things that can happen while we are on earth on a regular basis. I have begun to be a little more sensitive to that stuff since working in the hospital. Every disaster drill, code blue, and trauma code, my heart beats faster and I'm reminded of our precious lives. It makes living by the moment, in the moment, for the moment make a lot more sense. We are given Daily Bread, and we really only need that that will get us through the moments of one day. I once heard a good friend talk about Holy moments. Every moment has the potential of being holy. That's begun to be a little more real. From rejoicing over the engagement of a friend to hearing the code blue to watching the patient talent show on Friday, I am reminded of how holy, awesome and REAL the Lord is.

The thing is that life doesn't stop in those moments. It doesn't even really pause. The next moment can be just as holy bringing a totally different circumstance and situation. Life keeps going no matter what. So I could live in my own world and never experience the good, the bad, the hard, the easy times, but then I would never experience the holy moments. God is good, all the time...

redeeming love

It's been a most interesting week. I've learned a lot about our amazing Savior. Short and sweet: There is no such thing as redemption in a relationship unless there is the Lord. Because with the Lord comes a flow of redeeming love of our Savior that bled and died for us. So therefore, we must pray for those in our lives that are not believers that we have never been reconciled with. Until they share with us in the glory of our Savior, there will be no true love-redeeming love. God has been faithful to draw the line of black and white for me more this week. Satan is becoming more and more reconizable. Praise God!

I have been blessed by a wonderful friend at the hospital. She shares with me in the JOY of salvation on a daily basis, and she is quick to shut Satan out of my thoughts. She is wonderful, and I am grateful to have her in my life. My mom came to eat lunch with me today. I loved showing her around and telling her the fun hospital stories. We have an awesome cafeteria at the hospital with awesome food. That's kind of nice to have around. Mom got to experience the "Trauma Code". They announced a 3 year old, trauma victim, ETA (estimated time of arrival) in 5-7 ninutes. When the code comes across the loud speaker it is an automatic reality check of life. It is amazing to me how much we live in our own moments and own lives. I have learned at the hospital to expect there to be much suffering that I can never touch. Pray contiuously becomes a reality during the day. That is all there is to do--praise the Lord and relinquish control. I have gotten to do a lot of celebrating this week. I have gotten to head up 3 special events...2 were patient parties and the other was a drag boat racer visit...he brought his boat. The kids LOVED it! I also got to experience a very special "break out" party. One of my favorite kids and patients, since I met him 6 years ago, got to go home af ter being in the hospital since January. The hug I got before he walked out was worth my whole summer! This guy loves the Lord and I've watched him fight a whole bunch battles. The Lord is His Great Physician, though, and he knows it! There is a lot of peace. I don't get to go to cancer camp this summer...sadly...because I am going to a different camp, but I do get to ride with the kids down to cancer camp. They are taking the train this year, which is soooo fun! So I will be riding there with them. I'm so excited! I love these kids!

Well, that's the update. May the Lord bless your weekend.

Repent

Isn't it funny how when the Lord is really trying to tell you to do something He will make it so blatantly obvious that you finally begin to listen. I was in CS this weekend. (more about that later) So since I was there, I worshipped at Central this morning. I don't think I realized how much I missed that church until I walked in this morning. It is just nice to be comfortable in your place of worship. I sat with Sarah and Josh Seefeldt. It was an incredible time of worship. Then Chris preached on 1 Peter 4: 14, 15. Wow, it was so clear. He talked about how the central need in a lost person's life is a relationship with Christ, but the central need in a Christian's life is fellowship with Christ. The only way to reach that fellowship is through genuine repentance. OH how true this is! He went on to say that repentance is agreeing with God not only in with your words, but also in your actions. If you say that you know that something is wrong, but you decide to take the suffering you will experience and do it anyway, you are disagreeing with God. Yes, you may still go to Heaven, but you are not suffering for the Lord's glory and in His name now. You are suffering because of the suffering you brought on yourself. So there was more to the sermon, but I heard "REPENT".

Then I attended Freedom. I got to talk to some of my dearest friends. I attended Josh and Sarah's Sunday school class. They are teaching on the Parables. It was incredibly interesting. We went over Luke 15. Again we see the Lord speaking that there is joy in the presence of the ages of God over one sinner that repents. In the first 2 parables of the chapter, the sheep and the coin are inanimate objects that do nothing but are found or led back to the Lord. In the Prodigal Son, we see a man that chooses to turn from his evil ways, is willing to give up his sonship to his father, to go and just be with his father again. We see a father that not only embraces his son but rejoices over his son with no judgment or anger. Perfect love. It is amazing when you learn about something so clearly, that you begin to see the sin in your life that you never saw before. Perfect love.

The weekend was amazing. I got to see Alisha. We swam and hung out on Saturday afternoon before the wedding reception for my cousin that got married in Mexico. It was fun to see Alisha and catch up. Got to see and talk with all the Lombardi's for a while. The reception was fun. Family always is. I was a DD for the evening along with my mom and dad, and after about 4 hours of watching the family drink themselves to sheer embarrassment, I gladly drove my aunt and uncle back to the hotel. It was truly a sad state of affairs. But I had just as much fun with no alcohol in me dancing to Footloose! You gotta love that song. The little kids were the most fun. So after a long ride home in the car making frequent stops at the little road side fruit/veggie stands, I am finally home. I am prepared for another week of exciting times at the hospital. There is a few parties, a few interviews, my own special event, and a patient talent show :) on the calendar. Should be a good week. I am also going to try and hook up with Damaris Johnson and Whitney Andrews this week. That should be fun!

Have a good week friends. :)

So far...

It's been a pretty amazing four weeks. My life has changed drastically, but the Lord has done so many great things. For those of you that don't know, I am interning a nearby hospital in the metroplex in the Community Relations/Volunteer Services department. I get to many things with the special events and visitors of the hospital, donations, and volunteer coordinating. I have also found my favorite job to be working at the information desk! The first week of my internship is what I have learned to call the "honeymoon". It was an incredible week of learning about all of the amazing things that our office did. I met with each of the ladies in my office and oriented myself with their positions. Most of them are believers, so there were definitely a few 2-3 hour orientations that were more like small counseling/mentoring sessions. : ) I really enjoyed that time a lot. I did begin my first week with a funeral of a long time employee and volunteer, Paul Wallace. I volunteered at Camp Sanguinity (cancer camp) for many years. He was an incredible man of great integrity, dedication, and love. The second week proved the first week to be the "honeymoon". The second week was not as wonderful, but for sure it was a time of learning nonetheless. I got to see a little more of the grunt work of the intern job. The third week was full of lots of learning about interoffice relationships, not fun but necessary. There was another funeral. Our bosses dad passed away, so we attended that funeral. The office has been a little different with her out this week. This week has been comfortable and great. I have enjoyed it a whole lot. Since I have been at the hospital I've met Colonial pro-golfers, the Duchess of Gloucester of Great Britain, Dirk Nowitzki of the Dallas Mavericks, some the Cats (minor league baseball), TCU baseball players, Lone Star Park jockeys, and many more. It has been cultural if anything. I've learned how to meet new people without a problem. I will be doing my first special event by myself. It is the drag boat racers...they are bringing their boat. It should be fun times. I have met some amazing people along the way and seen some of my kids that I've hung out with in years past. The Lord has placed about 3 women that love and mentor me daily at work. It is such a great place to go every morning.

I have been trying different churches every weekend. I have currently visited Trinity Bible Church, New River Fellowship, and Travis Ave. Baptist Church where I was brave and attended the singles class and sat with my new friend Graham who made me feel very welcomed. It has been a challenging, yet very enlightening experience. I will be in CS this weekend, and I am so looking forward to Chris' teaching. I am hungry for sure for that fellowship. I will be glad to be settled again. I will continue to visit churhes until the Lord says "stop".

Home is good. My parents and I are working out the kinks in things. I am getting time with the Lord every morning before I leave, and that has helped tremendously. It will be nice to be back to independence, though. :) It is nice to have a meal every day. I must say, Mom is making my lunch every day like she always did. She's way sweet! It is good to experience family meals again. I really love that. We also all walk together every evening. That has become a really great time.

The Lord is so good. My concentration lately has rested in Psalm 25. I think it is my prayer right now.

I miss you all, friends. Much love and thoughts!

I'll post again soon!