humility
So today, finally, I've been broken...again... I took Friday off from work, did school, went to a large fundraiser in Dallas for camp (dressing up is SO fun!), got up early Sat. and drove to Tyler to hang out with the Zandstra's, did life in Tyler (which I LOVE), and drove back early this Monday morning to work. On the way I listened to some talks by Beth Moore that go with my Believing God Bible study. Inspirational doesn't even explain it. That woman screamed Truth at me this morning. Praise God she did, cause I walked into work with a new lease on life from the weekend, her talks, and just my time with the Lord. I thought that renewed passion was going to be there...that I was going to LOVE being a glorified secretary cause that is where God had placed me, and that I was going to believe Him for all the things that He has promised me. I was ready for a new week...
...well, most of you don't need the ending to the story. I am reprimanded the moment I walk in the door for a simple task that I did not complete before I left Thursday, and I'm greeted with about 15 more things is my cute inbox that sits so wonderfully on my desk. Before I new it tears were streaming down my face, and I was calling Sarah S. pleading for her prayers...I was a mess and I needed gallons of faith to make it through the day. In the midst the moment a co-worker asked me if I was okay. I ended up pouring out my heart to these 3 older women - wiser, I must add.
My conclusion was this after 7 months of leaving behind the place I was thriving: I wanted to conquer the world, and I truly believed that I could. I wanted to make large, bold changes to bring glory to God and peace to the kids of the hospital, and I wanted to have already accomplished them. I felt deep inside of me that my job as the Volunteer Program Assistant had ultimately set me up for failure. I had failed, and I was not cut out for the job at hand...then it dawned on me....an Ah-ha moment if you will...I was to glorify God anywhere. I was to believe Him in ALL things. If I was a street sweeper, I was supposed to sing praise to Him the whole time I was sweeping. Who was I to think that I was going to make any changes? Who was I to think that I was going to be bold and great and kicking butts and taking names??? Who was I to consider myself or my accomplishments (present or future) anything compared to the greatness of Christ in me? Who am I???
I am a prideful, selfish, self-dependent, circumstance fearing, conditional, sinning woman that has been lovingly saved by Christ's blood on the cross and nothing else, so that I may be a woman that is walking in the redemptive plan that God has purposed for this world. I am a saved, beautiful, Holy Spirit filled, thankful, and humbled child of a LIVING GOD.
You will be happy to know that I finished the day out --- this time trusting God the whole way, in every step, and every answering of phone, responding of email, and answer of random quesiton --- God was there today. I pray that He has melted me away so that He may burn bright in the place in which He has set for this time...
In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.
...well, most of you don't need the ending to the story. I am reprimanded the moment I walk in the door for a simple task that I did not complete before I left Thursday, and I'm greeted with about 15 more things is my cute inbox that sits so wonderfully on my desk. Before I new it tears were streaming down my face, and I was calling Sarah S. pleading for her prayers...I was a mess and I needed gallons of faith to make it through the day. In the midst the moment a co-worker asked me if I was okay. I ended up pouring out my heart to these 3 older women - wiser, I must add.
My conclusion was this after 7 months of leaving behind the place I was thriving: I wanted to conquer the world, and I truly believed that I could. I wanted to make large, bold changes to bring glory to God and peace to the kids of the hospital, and I wanted to have already accomplished them. I felt deep inside of me that my job as the Volunteer Program Assistant had ultimately set me up for failure. I had failed, and I was not cut out for the job at hand...then it dawned on me....an Ah-ha moment if you will...I was to glorify God anywhere. I was to believe Him in ALL things. If I was a street sweeper, I was supposed to sing praise to Him the whole time I was sweeping. Who was I to think that I was going to make any changes? Who was I to think that I was going to be bold and great and kicking butts and taking names??? Who was I to consider myself or my accomplishments (present or future) anything compared to the greatness of Christ in me? Who am I???
I am a prideful, selfish, self-dependent, circumstance fearing, conditional, sinning woman that has been lovingly saved by Christ's blood on the cross and nothing else, so that I may be a woman that is walking in the redemptive plan that God has purposed for this world. I am a saved, beautiful, Holy Spirit filled, thankful, and humbled child of a LIVING GOD.
You will be happy to know that I finished the day out --- this time trusting God the whole way, in every step, and every answering of phone, responding of email, and answer of random quesiton --- God was there today. I pray that He has melted me away so that He may burn bright in the place in which He has set for this time...
In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.
posted by Ross and Ashley Pagenkopf @ 7:11 PM
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