my greatest struggle

Today in the midst of reading a book, it prompted me to go the Lord about some things. I must say that lately I have not been seeking the Lord or worshipping Him when He has prompted me or stirred my heart. I have been pretty disobedient. It is always such a trench when you get in to that way of life...it's hard to get out and to discover what the problem was in the first place. I was considering some sin tendencies that I deal with in my life on a regular basis. I found out several things about myself from this. I do not trust that my heart will not fail and that the Lord is my strength to overcome any temptation. I realized that I am not completely validated by the Lord. I don't believe that He is more than enough. I know that He is, but it is not always in my heart. Why? I think because I can't hear Him audibly tell me...because I am not spending enough time with Him. I sometimes only go to Him in desperate need...I should be going to Him to worship Him at His throne. I can't feel Him...but that's my flesh and not important to my needs in the Father anyway. There are other reasons that I'm not believing the Father. I must continue to work through them.

The bottom line is that I need to spend more time with Him. Not with books about Him or singing about Him...Time with Him. Pray for me as I leave this week to go retreat with our precious Savior. May I lay at His feet these next few days.