I really LOVE him!!!

We're a pretty great looking bunch!

Ross graduated from nursing school on Thursday night! I am so proud of him!!! He looks really great in a white coat, too! :) (Little blurry, but TRUST me!!) The Lord is going to use him in huge ways to bless his patients!

gifts

I guess today has got me thinking more about this, but it has been on my heart for the last couple of days. Gifts --- freely given by the Lord and freely taken by Him. I am realizing, as I sit and watch the story of Flight 93 tonight, that the Lord truly giveth and Lord taketh away, blessed be His name. How could we ever trust in anything but the Source that giveth and taketh away? My heart is torn up inside as I think of the many moments in a day that I trust myself, this world, or the fleeting. How I am urged in this very moment to lay it all down again, and again, and again to my sweet Savior. Nothing in this world is ours. It is a gift to the very core of the Giver. It is the heart of God. Every moment, every person, every encounter, every blessing, everthing is a gift. May we recognize that we are not our own, nor is anything else or anyone else ours. They are gifts...sweet, precious, matchless gifts from above. May you see this very moment of your life as a gift, may you see your family, your friends, and each person that you meet along the way as a gift. Never forget to give back to the Lord what He has given you. HE is the Giver of all things. May He be glorified.

Thank You, Father, for the gifts You give so abundantly. Thank You for Your sovereignty in all that You give. May I always offer back to You what You so freely give to me. May I praise You in all of my actions, words, and thoughts. I love You, Lord!

for now, the bottom line

Grant that I may never trust my own heart,
depend upon any past experiences,
magnify any present resolutions,
but be strong in the grace of Jesus.

May I always combine thy majesty with thy mercy,
and connect thy goodness with thy greatness.
Then shall my heart always rejoice in praises to thee.

---Self-Noughting, The Valley of Vision

Talk about some TRUTH in that prayer. My heart is continually in this place of trusting itself, depending on hurts before and magnifying what I think I know now. "But be strong in the grace of Jesus" is such a simple, yet deep and DEFINITE statement. May this be my heartbeat, and may my King sit on His throne!

May you be encouraged, brothers and sisters.

Just a quick update...

Things in Fort Worth are going well. It's been a little bit since I just updated. I am getting ready to start my 3rd semester of grad school. I am finishing up a rough summer of Stat and Family Diversity. It's been really great to watch how the Lord uses school to teach me about myself and more importantly about Himself. While my diversity class was challenging, the Lord really opened up my eyes and allowed me to see the world through His perspective and challenged many of my assumptions. This Fall should be really wonderful. I am taking Communication in Marriage and Family and Child Guidance. So my projected graduation date is May 2008, but I try to just think in semesters. Thinking that far ahead is a little overwhelming.

Work is going alright. We are still in the midst of a lot of changes and limbo at the moment. Hopefully by year's end thing will really have some stability. I'm ready for that. I'm really enjoying my fellowship at Christ Fellowship. The women of my cell group are truly amazing. There is a wonderful connection between all of us, and it has been a blessing to connect with these women on many levels. I think that I'm going to be doing children's ministry in the Fall. I'm excited about having some kid time. I've been ready for kid time for a long time!

Other than that, life is moving and grooving as usual. God is definitely capturing my heart daily. I am learning to trust and surrender - a lesson that I may learn for the rest of my life. It's getting easier to lay it down and choose Him, and I'm beginning to feel peace more than ever before. The Lord has placed a very challenging circumstance of waiting in front of me that has required more faith and trust than I knew that I had. God is all about bringing glory to Himself. He receives it the most when we are on our knees and surrendering ourselves and our will. Laying it down...all of it... It's all about Him!

Let me this day know thee as thou art,
love the supremely,
serve the wholly,
admire the fully.
Through grace let my will respond to thee,
Knowing that the power to obey is not in me,
but that thy free love alone enables me to serve thee.

"Morning", The Valley of Vision

A different story

So things have changed drastically in my life since I last posted. Some of you probably aren't surprised by the news. Things in the last year have been a rollercoaster for me in many ways. The difference about this drastic change in my life is that in this loss, I gained... I gained my identity in Jesus Christ. I was single for 2 years before the Lord opened a door...now that door is closed after a short amount of time...and I'm single again. I'm a single woman, though, with a belief and trust in Him like never before. I could never explain it to you in a blog, or even tell you the story, you'd just have to see it. In the two years before this open and then closed door, the Lord worked in my heart in POWERFUL ways. For the first time in my life, I wake up in the morning saying "I am yours, Lord," rather than saying it at night. I live my life differently, consecrating my heart and my will to Him daily, sometimes hourly. I have learned some valuable Truth through all of this... Life changes everyday...the journey changes...you lose people, you lose heart, you lose innocence...but you gain Life, Wisdom, and Love...and Hope...and Faith. "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever!" Hebrews... OH HOW TRUE THAT IS!!! Praise Him for being and unchanging, ever-present, glorious God! I'm a blessed woman.

not in control...as it turns out

So I've been asked a lot lately to update my blog, so here it goes...you all asked for it. ;)

It turns out that I'm not in control...of anything. About 4 weeks ago, the week of March 27th, the Lord taught me yet again that I am not in control of life...at all. I had just gotten home from an amazing weekend in College Station. It was really a wonderful reunion. It is a true blessing to have friendships that go so deep and to have people in your life that really know you to the depths of your heart. Mr. Meier and I had a wonderful trip down and back just chatting about life and changes. On Monday morning I was on my way to work - a different way because I went to the bank - and as I was crossing a busy street with my green light, a man in an SUV on his way to cataract surgery hit me. He ran a red light right into me. (This would be the 3rd wreck in less than 6 months...) I sat in my car, looked up towards the Lord, and said outloud, "Are you kidding me, Lord?" It was a rough day to say the least. That day a young man walked into my office that goes to my church. Little did I know that I would see him again...

On Wednesday our office went through a little bit of craziness. I cannot really talk about it online, but it was crazy--- trust me! On Thursday the craziness continued, and I was once again learning that I had control over nothing...including what may happen around me for the worse. Our team was asked not to leave the office due to some situations going on...so I was in jail for the day. A lady from HR stopped by around noon to tell us that a bishop from the Catholic church was there blessing the kids and that our office should probably go be blessed...so we all, even the Protestants, decided that wasn't such a bad idea and headed to the atrium. About that time the young man, that had stopped by on Monday, came back by and wanted to take me to lunch. Again - he showed up out of no where - and I was obviously not the one in control here either...

I walked to the cafeteria with him to refill my drink --- I got a "get out of jail free" card for about 20 minutes. We had a great conversation. I was impressed to say the least. I went to camp that weekend, and on my return on Monday, he asked me out on a date. We didn't go out until Tuesday...but it was amazing. It's funny because I could go into all the details of how I didn't have control over anything that week --- I got in a wreck that wasn't my fault, my office dynamics changed in the matter of a day, and a guy walks into my office on day and the rest of my life is changed. I don't know about you, but I'm trusting the Lord... He deserves the fame for all that is happening in my life right now. And I have to say, He is getting it. Not enough, but I've been on my knees praising His sweet name for the last 4 weeks. He has poured grace over me that I never, ever knew existed in this abundance and love. He has showed Himself to be abundantly faithful in ways that I will share with all of you at some point hopefully. Trust me though...You are not in control and life is not about you!!! I am a living testimony that I am not in control and life is all about Him! The older gentleman, on his way to cataract surgery, that hit me, heard the gospel --- I couldn't stop talking about the Lord in my shock. My office is praying together and seeking the Lord regularly. This guy, Ross, is truly amazing and is revealing more of the Lord's love to me than I know what to do with. I'm not in control and it is not about me.

Really, though, I'm amazed at what the Lord can do when He is ready to do it. I hope that I have finally learned that I'm not in control, but the truth is, I will probably learn this again one day. Praise Jesus for the cross! I have also learned that whatever I think I might be in control of, I better just go ahead and hand it to the Lord...He's gonna take it away anyways, so I might as well hand it on over.

In case you are wondering, here's a pic of Ross, me, Elyse and Craig on our way to the zoo the other day... He is in all things, and in Him all things hold together. His ways are higher than my ways, and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts. He's a beautiful God!

humility

So today, finally, I've been broken...again... I took Friday off from work, did school, went to a large fundraiser in Dallas for camp (dressing up is SO fun!), got up early Sat. and drove to Tyler to hang out with the Zandstra's, did life in Tyler (which I LOVE), and drove back early this Monday morning to work. On the way I listened to some talks by Beth Moore that go with my Believing God Bible study. Inspirational doesn't even explain it. That woman screamed Truth at me this morning. Praise God she did, cause I walked into work with a new lease on life from the weekend, her talks, and just my time with the Lord. I thought that renewed passion was going to be there...that I was going to LOVE being a glorified secretary cause that is where God had placed me, and that I was going to believe Him for all the things that He has promised me. I was ready for a new week...

...well, most of you don't need the ending to the story. I am reprimanded the moment I walk in the door for a simple task that I did not complete before I left Thursday, and I'm greeted with about 15 more things is my cute inbox that sits so wonderfully on my desk. Before I new it tears were streaming down my face, and I was calling Sarah S. pleading for her prayers...I was a mess and I needed gallons of faith to make it through the day. In the midst the moment a co-worker asked me if I was okay. I ended up pouring out my heart to these 3 older women - wiser, I must add.

My conclusion was this after 7 months of leaving behind the place I was thriving: I wanted to conquer the world, and I truly believed that I could. I wanted to make large, bold changes to bring glory to God and peace to the kids of the hospital, and I wanted to have already accomplished them. I felt deep inside of me that my job as the Volunteer Program Assistant had ultimately set me up for failure. I had failed, and I was not cut out for the job at hand...then it dawned on me....an Ah-ha moment if you will...I was to glorify God anywhere. I was to believe Him in ALL things. If I was a street sweeper, I was supposed to sing praise to Him the whole time I was sweeping. Who was I to think that I was going to make any changes? Who was I to think that I was going to be bold and great and kicking butts and taking names??? Who was I to consider myself or my accomplishments (present or future) anything compared to the greatness of Christ in me? Who am I???

I am a prideful, selfish, self-dependent, circumstance fearing, conditional, sinning woman that has been lovingly saved by Christ's blood on the cross and nothing else, so that I may be a woman that is walking in the redemptive plan that God has purposed for this world. I am a saved, beautiful, Holy Spirit filled, thankful, and humbled child of a LIVING GOD.

You will be happy to know that I finished the day out --- this time trusting God the whole way, in every step, and every answering of phone, responding of email, and answer of random quesiton --- God was there today. I pray that He has melted me away so that He may burn bright in the place in which He has set for this time...

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.